Fibromyalgia: A Real Pain In The....

I want to take the opportunity to discuss a topic that is extremely important to me. It is a disease called FIBROMYALGIA, and it's a pain in the ass... and everywhere else for that matter.

This disease affects 900,000 Canadians and most of them are women... and most of them are over the age of 40 (as my doc told me). I was diagnosed with it at 16. Now with most things... take the olympics for example, people are so impressed when the announcer says "the youngest competitor to ever take to the floor, her parents must be so proud". For fibromyalgia, it was as if that announcer said "congratulations, you've just won a life of constant pain, and guess what - because you're the youngest, you get to live with it even longer than most!"

My friend Meaghan just recently wrote a paper on this disease for her Women in the Modern World class and I couldn't have been happier that she did. She explains the symptoms well when she says:

The most common symptom is pain. Some victims describe their pain as deep muscular aching, burning, throbbing, stabbing and even numbness. Often, the pain and stiffness are worse in the mornings and may hurt more in muscle groups that are used repetitively

Along with the pain, comes issues sleeping, intestinal problems and depression. Doesn't this sound lovely? Well it gets even better.

The best part about this disease (please hear the sarcasm in my voice) is that people - including doctors - do not understand the disease. There are no outward signs of it and nothing can be seen when x-rays are done because the pain stems from the soft tissues of the body. Doctors often mis-diagnose it and friends and family members never really "get it", insisting that you're: lazy, a party-pooper, faking it, exaggerating, just tired... or various other condescending phrases.

To these people, I say: Fuck. Off.

I'm sorry, but until you can tell me that every day you wake up in physical pain, that you spend your entire day in some sort of pain and that every night you go to bed, aching from the day you've just had - you cannot tell me I'm ANYTHING but legit for wanting a little bit of a break.

Want to know what makes it even more fun? Stress makes it worse.

At this point in the year I don't think that I could be more stressed... I wrote a list a few posts ago but now, as it comes down to the wire with performances, essays, exams and rehearsals... I feel like my body is about to fall apart.

No, I'm not looking for pity by writing this post. I just wanted to write - to vent - and let people know that no, I'm not just upset because I'm PMSing (which I'm not at the moment in case you felt you needed to know), I'm not in pain because I just wore the wrong shoes, and I'm not just feeling ill because of meal hall... I have this disease and right now it's beating the shit out of me. Yes, I'll jump back and be the perky me once again but for now... just understand there's more to my "laziness" than meets the eye.

Feeling a little... "Wahn Wahn"

Have you ever wondered why in the times that you're the most down, the only thing that soothes you is thinking that people, somewhere else in the world, or maybe even a few minutes away, are even more down than you are?

Thinking that many people all over the world have it worse than you may for some be something that upsets them. For me, it's comforting. Of course I don't mean this in a sick and twisted hate-the-world kind of way, but in the sense that no matter how bad things get for me or my family, things could ALWAYS be worse. My sister and I could have been sold into prostitution as children, I could have become an orphan and forced to scrounge for food in the gutters, I could have been born with 1 arm, 1 leg and a crooked smile and forced to work as a member of a Freak Show. I respect the people that live through times as awful as these (or worse) and it makes me feel proud to be a member of the human race. Perseverance in the face of sadness, doubt, pain or struggle is something that we as people have been able to succeed at and you know what? That's a pretty cool thing. Perhaps that's why dinosaurs are extinct... they just gave up on life.

In class the other day we were talking about death and dying as being mildly equivalent to a break-up. The argument was that in both situations people have to grieve. More often than not there are tears, anger of some sort, a desire to make things better and a period of time where you just don't and can't feel like "yourself". Having to deal with both the probability of a death of a loved one in the near future and a break up in the same week, I can say that I find myself agreeing with this comparison.

At times I feel as though I can't differentiate one sadness from the other - they are melded together in some sort of cruel hybrid that tortures me whether I'm awake or asleep. I'd like to think that at some point the cancer will just disappear and the relationship will mend but in reality what will probably happen is yes, the cancer will disappear... and so will the human it devours along the way; the relationship will mend but into a friendship where the only sign of past intimacy will be a "remember when" story. Are these bad things? Not necessarily. Both could be great - someone no longer has pain and I'd gain a friendship and learn from a wonderful life experience. On the other hand, the pain could be stretched out for years and the breakup could lead to the awkward nod (you know the one I speak of) as you pass by them on the street or in a building.

Really, I would just rather have neither situation percolate into my everyday life...

Gosh I'm glad I skipped a pubcrawl tonight to get to bed early - it clearly has done a lot of good.

Wahn wahn.

So here I sit in the library, it's just another Friday with people scurrying about to get in those last few hours of work before the weekend hits and the work really piles up. I chose to get up this morning with one goal in mind - to finish my reading for Cross Cultural Belief Systems. Thinking of course that I hadn't fallen too far behind, I went to Acadia's portal for learning - ACME. Yes, it's outdated but some profs just can't get used to this whole ACORN thing and really, why should they when ACME still works? Anyway, I open the link to the required readings and see that I am three weeks behind in reading... that's six chapters and seven articles that need to be read, reflected upon and written about by next Thursday.

Normally this wouldn't bother me... I tend to work well under pressure. However, with all that, a scene to memorize for my acting class, a huge presentation, a dance that needs to be created and presented in a few days, three huge mid-terms, a 3500 word research essay, 5 plays to read and rehearsals for Minifest (a student run collection of plays put on at Acadia), I can't help feeling a little overwhelmed - especially since all of this is to be accomplished within the next 2.5 weeks.

So of course I would be sitting here blogging instead of actually accomplishing any of the previously mentioned tasks. Perhaps it's about time I get down to it.

Popping the Cherry

Hey there -

So it's official. I'm no longer a virgin blogger, the cherry has been popped and the journey has begun. Welcome to my first blog ever. By no means should anyone who visits this site feel obligated to read what I've written as it's more of an outlet for me, my thoughts, my observations and my adventures.

It is a rare-occasion that I actually find myself wanting to write about what's going on in my mind or life but perhaps it's because I've never really taken the time to reflect on what exactly IS going on with me.

And so it begins, the blog that will most likely help my habit of procrastination and destroy what little I have left of my desire for scholastic achievement.

Here's to future procrastination and free thought!